Foriegn Affairs

Exister, c'est oser se jeter dans le monde.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Sleep

Her heart broke into a million jagged pieces. She felt as if it was blown to smithereens, shards of red tissue littering the cold tiles of the bathroom. Gasping for air, she opens the window, the chilly air of January blasting her face, making her feel something while at the same time numbing her. Wordless sobs and shrieks are shouted into the breeze, lost in translation.
What did I do wrong? Why did he go?
A million thoughts swirl around her brain like a cotton-candy machine, raging inside such a small space. After heaving her last shouts, she leaves the window open, the white currents swirling matching what is going on inside her. Without taking off her day clothes, she climbs wordlessly into her queen bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and white down comforter tucked around her. With all her words gone and used up, she tries to drift into a sleep, but fails. Dried mascara is caked in lines down her face, creating a permanent reminder of what tragedy had happened earlier. That night, she can't seem to feel comfortable or cozy. She is suddenly created with the harsh cold of the open window, the blank white walls, and lack of life in her residence. Outside, she hears the noise of the city, the vibrancy of the lights casting a spotlight on all the life that is taking place outside her door. It is almost like the city itself is mocking her--her pain, all the destruction that had taken place that night. Trying desperately to lull herself to the sweet release of sleep, she remembers all the good times, the late summer nights that smelled like hope, the butterflies that hatched in her stomach, and the laughs that left her ribs aching, lungs struggling for air.
She fell asleep with a smile and mascara tears on her face.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Rainy Days

The brownstone glistens from the rain, shimmering from the light coming from the lamposts dotting the streets. Even though the street is busy, because after all, the city never sleeps, on the sidewalk is a different story. Since the pavement is also equally coated with rain, the gravel crunches under each footstep, reminding the person that at any moment, they could lose their step. Even though the sky is pitch black, you can tell that the clouds are threatening to spill over at any moment and unleash the biggest storm that only happens during the winter.
If one was to watch through a taxi cab window, they would see the scurry of pedestrians trying to avoid the sprinkling and misting of the rain. For others that are more prepared, their umbrellas act like a beacon in the crowd, with polka dots to plain black designs letting outsiders catch a glimpse of who they are. From that window, you might also see some taking their time, relishing every moment in the rain. For those rare people, their good fortune is the bad luck of the majority.
As on all rainy days, comfort is the priority. Whether it is taking off damp socks after reaching a destination, wearing blankets draped around our bodies like expensive fur capes, or eating a hot meal, we all search for comfort.
On these days, we revert back to our youth, were only the necessities of life made us excited. We want for nothing more other than something cozy and warm, and nothing more than that.
As that brownstone glistens, the inhabitants of the building are curled up, reading a book, eating, watching a movie, or maybe staring out the window, watching the pattering of rain. In all their minds, nothing could get better than this moment, right here, right now.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

The Pink Couch

Slamming the heavy oak door, she rushes over to the other side of the room, rain water squelching in her boots. Removing her bots in a rapid fashion, stripping the soaked wool socks from her feet and puts them on the hissing, chipped radiator. Removing her equally soggy raincoat, she goes to her coffee maker and opens up the white shaker cabinets to find her favorite roast. Starting the coffee, she walks upstairs and changes from her constraining work clothes and into the welcoming embrace of fuzzy gray sweatpants and matching hoodie. As the aroma of coffee beans diffuse into the air upstairs, she comes down the stairs, noticing the worn ikat patterned carpet that has permanently captured the size of her feet.
After the coffee is poured into an old mug from her high school days, she curls up on the pink couch. This pink isn't a little girl's pink, but more modern; a woman's couch. On second thought, she stands up and drifts to the fireplace, turning the gas on and hearing a resounding swoosh as heat comes. Grabbing a quilt made with love from her grandmother off a high wingback chair, she finally settles back on the couch. With coffee in hand, cocooned in a blanket, and the heat turned on, she looks content.
But she doesn't feel the same way.
The shifting of the apartment makes echoes in the empty hallway, bouncing off the barren walls. She thinks of no one home to greet her, smile, or even accompany her on rainy evenings like this one. All at once, she realizes something.
She is utterly alone, a girl wrapped up on a pink couch in the middle of winter with no one.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Writing on Writing

I know that I may never be a great writer. I add the word may because you never know, but as of right now none of my works are amazing enough to be considered an addition to literature.
Why do I write?
Mainly, I really like to. I don't like academic writing, but creative writing. I like to express who I am through words, and I feel like I can say anything I want to. It doesn't matter what I look like, all you see are the words I write (or type) on the page. There is something freeing about that thought that lets the writer lose inhibitions and become who they truly are.
I write for myself. There was a time where I started to write for another person, and I started to see my writing and thoughts go a direction that I didn't like. It became more of an attraction technique rather than a cathartic experience. I felt like I was trying to impress instead of express. Now I know that I write for myself. I hope that I inspire people who read this to look at things a different way. A small part of me also hopes that I reach an international audience and that people I may never see in my lifetime will remember what I wrote when they stumbled on my blog or clicked on the link.
Writing isn't a chore.
Right now, I am typing away on my MacBook, hearing the rain pound on my roof. Generally, I don't have a lot of time to jus write and type, but today I didn't have much going on. I like to wrap myself in a blanket, and get super comfy. I also really like to listen to R&B when I write, it gets me into a soul type of mood. I'm not sure if that comes across, but when I hear the lyrics "Georgia's on my mind" it automatically relaxes me.
My advice: find something that you love. It doesn't have to be writing, but find something and try and do it at least once a week. I have to admit, I aspire a little to be a well-known blogger, but even if it turns out I'm the only one visiting this blog, I will be okay with that. Choose to do something that you are passionate about, not something that you will receive recognition for.

"Passion changes everything."

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Love Is All You Need

Today I was thinking about love. Just in my school, I feel like we lack love as a student body. We are quick to undercut and belittle others. I also think that we lack love in the way we participate in school. Teachers give everything that they have to better students, but many choose to ignore the blessing that is teachers.
On my cross country team, I find that we lack love. One way to be a good teammate is to love one another. Without that bond, anything that is said seems fake. Over the years, I have had many relationships where I truly felt loved. I know that until the day I die, I will always remember them. That reminds me of the Maya Angelou quote that says that somebody might forget your name, but never how you made them feel, good or bad.
I want people to remember be as someone who genuinely cared about them and their well-being. I want to be remembered just like I remember certain individuals and the kindness and love that they have shown me.
I know that love would solve the world. If we learned to love others just like we loved ourselves, we wouldn't have as much conflict. I also know that people would be happier. It is hard to wallow in sadness when you are focused on serving others and their needs.
Love doesn't just have to be romantic love- it can be anything. Even a small act of smiling shows that you love that person. I am challenging myself to feel love towards others in a small act of kindness every day. In my own small way, I believe that I am changing my corner of the world by showing kindness and love.



Thursday, October 6, 2016

Fall & Change

This is my favorite season by far. Where I live, leaves change color, the weather gets cooler, and with fall festivals I feel like I am living somewhere totally different than where I reside for the rest of the year. Fall also signals to me the start of the end of a year and other finales.
This year is my senior year, so naturally the ending of my school career is drawing to a close. I am so used to imagining a next year, but I now realize that next year will look totally different. The things I want now won't be the things I want in the future, and all the goals that I want to achieve have a time limit. I imagine a sand timer with only a little bit of sand that is left. I want for things so desperately that I imagined four years ago, but now I understand that many of those things will not come to pass unless I do something about it.
As I mentioned before, I love how the leaves change in the fall, painting the environment in bright oranges and fiery reds. In my own personal way, I am experiencing that change too. I am participating in many firsts, but also many lasts. As I begin to change to start the next phase of my life, I am a little apprehensive. I am not sure how bright I will become or even if I will have success. So far, I am choosing to remain positive and keep my perspective on the future. I am trying to repeat to myself the mantra that change is good, and only time will tell if that statement turns out to be true.

MBE



Monday, June 20, 2016

The Beginning of Lasts {& Firsts}

This week I am feeling pretty sentimental. One of my close friends is living on a mission to Chile to serve and preach the gospel for two years! As his last day in the states draws to a close, I can't help but feel like a lot of my life is changing rapidly. Taking a tally of my life in the moment, most of my friends are going on missions or college in the fall, making everyday sightings of them nonexistent. The people that I see in the summer or in the hallways will be gone in a year, and I have to admit, I'm a little sad. It seems as though I have a little sand timer with enough sand until graduation (that's in a year)! With only having a year left, I also think about what is going to change in a year and where I will be. Right now, I  am thinking about doing a humanitarian project in Central America of the Pacific next summer! Even last week, this idea didn't even cross my mind. So, as many lasts start to unfold in my life, I also look toward the beginning of many firsts. My first day of college, my first trip abroad...it is crazy.
Right now, all I can say is that I know that all the events in my life so far will help me for a bigger future. It's hard to say what I'll be doing next year or even tomorrow, but I have a firm belief that it will help me along the path of life. Who knows, maybe next year I'll be getting ready to go on a mission or  be joining the Peace Corps!

MBE