Foriegn Affairs

Exister, c'est oser se jeter dans le monde.

Thursday, May 31, 2018

First Date Feels

Nothing can compare to the feeling of going on a first date. The nerves, excitement, and adrenaline cannot be matched in any other setting. For me, I am a super nervous person that overthinks everything, and additionally, a perfectionist that has to make sure that everything goes according to plan.
If you ever have the pleasure to go out with me, know that I have obsessively thought about this date (or outing, or whatever we're calling it) and it is not because I think that I can see myself walking down the aisle with you, but because I want to make sure that I am perfect. I want people to walk away with the feeling that they enjoyed my presence, and even if there isn't a romantic connection, hopefully there will be a friend one. Honestly, the one thing that scares me the most is failing to make a connection and being someone's horror story that they tell to all their buds, late at night, to get a couple of laughs or sympathy.
Leading up to the first date, you can bet that I am consulting with all of my best friends, going through all the conversation topics, what to wear (down to the hair and shoes) and even what each sentence means. That might seem crazy, but hey- you would be lying if you didn't think about all these things. Maybe not to the level that I do, but it's what makes me, me.
During the date, I'm the type of person to laugh at any kind of joke because stress and anxiety makes me laugh. I'll be really shy at first, maybe even sarcastic, but don't take that as a sign that I'm not interested. Chances are, I'm just really nervous and a little scared and wanting to know EXACTLY what you're thinking about me. If it came down to it, I think that I would pay $20, or maybe even $50 to know what my date was thinking about me. Unfortunately, that technology doesn't exist, and a lot of the time as people, we can never really find the courage to tell people exactly what we think of them.
After, I'll be freaking out, hoping that I was fantastic as a first date and that we can see each other again. If not, I'll be a little bummed, but as the old saying goes, "they don't deserve you". And honestly, that's the truth.

First dates are amazing because there are insane highs and extreme lows. Not to sound insane or moody, but getting ready to hang out with a stranger is exciting and fun, and being rejected is pretty much the worst thing ever. One of the funniest things about first dates though is that we all go on so many, and keep on putting ourselves out for rejection and the negativity, until one time we don't experience that. I think that is the most amazing part of first dates- the mystery and the uncertainty of the future.



Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Phenomenal Woman

Today is Maya Angelou's birthday, and let me tell you- I am so thankful that one of my teachers in high school introduced me to her. All the things that she has written and said are honestly so inspired (and inspiring) and I feel that a whole class needs to be devoted to her. We focus so much on poetry and other stories with male authors that are considered "classics", but I feel that they really need to include Angelou!

One of the things that most inspire me about her is that she had a rough upbringing with several trials (that I do not know if I could survive) and she became better for it. Not only did Maya Angelou survive, but she truly thrived. She had all the reason in the world to be bitter and check-out of life, but she chose instead to make the best out of the situations that she was put in. Many of her messages speak to being kind to others, and especially yourself. I love this message because most of the time, we are our worst critics. And unfortunately, when we are down on ourselves we can get down on others. Angelou focused on celebrating differences- something that we don't do a lot of in this culture. She had a way of looking at life and seeing all the beauty and promise that it had to offer.

As noted in the title of this post, my favorite so far that I have read is Phenomenal Woman. I love the book that I have because it has amazing art in it that compliments the text so well. One of my favorite lines is "I'm a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me". This just stands out to me because it is freaking amazing to be a woman, and there is an inner beauty that is not defined by size or looks, but just by being a woman.

I'll finish by quoting this part from her biography:

"All of my work is meant to say, 'You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated.' In fact, the encountering may be the very experience which creates the vitality and power to endure".

Maya Angelou, you are truly a Phenomenal Woman.



Thursday, March 22, 2018

365 Days

Life always gets so crazy. I try and live my life where I am constantly doing things, and by the time that I have some slow moments, I am exhausted. This explains why I haven't been on the blog for a month- and it is hard to believe that it has been a month! Time flies by, and while I was stuck thinking about how days seem to pass in less than 24 hours, it made me think about how quickly a year goes by.
Last year, when I was think about a year into the future, I could not have pictured myself. Last year, my priorities were all about finishing up high school and trying to fulfill all my high school bucket list items. Now I am getting ready to finish my first year of college and it is so crazy to think that all this progress has happened in only a year. Honestly, it seems like a lifetime.
Sometimes, I want a magic ball that shows me my future and what it will look like. In some moments when there is a lot of uncertainty and doubt, I want to be able to see what my outcome will be, and in a way, it would be easier just to push towards the future and not have to focus on all the choices that I'll have to make! But, as a lot of people say, the joy is in the journey. And if I am being honest, I don't think that having a magic ball would help me prepare for what my future looks like (even for tomorrow)!
I guess life has a crazy way of working out sometimes. It is easy to beat yourself up over the small moments, but when you put a whole bunch of them together, along with the good, it creates a beautiful story that is fun to reflect on. Without all the highs and lows, life would be pretty boring.
Next year, I can honestly say that I have no clue what it will look like. If you asked me last year what I would be doing at this time, I honestly don't think that anything that I said would be correct. But I guess that is how it goes. And I wouldn't want it any other way.




Monday, February 26, 2018

Hello 2018!

Wow. I have been so lazy posting on this blog! I have it linked to some of my social media accounts, but as school has become so busy and crazy, I have not had a lot of time to work on it! In all honesty, I miss writing and having a space to put all my thoughts down, and so I am going to try and write weekly to keep up the blog. I know I always start doing this and I quit halfway through, but now that I am a year older,wiser, and funnier, I will try.
So much has changed from my last post.
The one thing that teachers don't tell you in high school is that college will teach you a lot about yourself. I'm not going to lie, I did learn a lot more in academic subjects, but I learned more figuring out who I am as a person. I learned to grocery shop, work, be a full-time student, go on a couple of dates, and a bunch of other random stuff that I could not have learned anywhere else. I also met one of my best friends here, and I can't imagine not knowing her or having her in my life. I also learned that people can be mean, but they can also be really great. One of the most important things that I discovered is that in college, you have to keep going. If you get a bad grade on a test, learn from your mistakes and then move on. Keep trying.
I also discovered that your late teens/early twenties are a time to figure out what makes you passionate, to act stupid, and to just have fun. As the saying goes, make life fun because nobody gets out alive. If we don't slow down, breathe the air, and just take a break, we will miss a lot of truly amazing moments.
Now, I'm not going to lie- when I first started this blog I really wanted it to take off and become famous, but now that I'm wise (just kidding) I realize that it is truly amazing that I have a space to write down some of my thoughts. And, I also realized that being popular or famous shouldn't really be the goal- the goal should be to become the best version of yourself.

So with that, I am making a pledge to write more and give this blog some love. And off the blog, to love and learn more!

Sincerely,
MBE


Friday, September 8, 2017

It's Not a Goodbye, It's a See You Later

As most of you know, my brother left on a 2 year mission to a group of islands that show up as a speck on the map. Additionally, my sister and I have both left home and are now 18 hours away from home and live in a different timezone.
For 18 years, I have had my family's constant companionship. I love living with my family, and some might say that I am a homebody. To be honest, the most fun, caring, and hilarious people I have ever met just happen to be the ones that I share a last name with. I count my blessings that I grew up in such a wonderful home environment where saying good-bye is so hard.
Before my dad dropped Matthew off at the MTC (the place where missionaries learn the language and other skills before they get to their final destination), the triplets plus my dad went out to breakfast. IT WAS SO SAD! Seriously, inside I felt like I was shriveling up inside. All of my problems with school (which aren't many) seemed so childish. My brother was literally leaving for two years, and I was worried about a stats class?!
After a solemn ( and teary) breakfast, we dropped Chloƫ off so she could get to class, but not before I demanded one last triplet hug. Even sitting here now, I still can't fathom that I may not be able to do that again for two years. When Matthew dropped me off at my dorm, we walked all the way from the parking lot to the front door. That walk felt like it was two seconds long. I didn't cry, but I was really, really close.
Later that night, I called my dad and told him how upset I was that they made us triplets, which sounds silly now (but makes sense if you have a multiple). Just imagine losing a limb, or some object that you use every day and is important to you- and then not having it.
I am so thankful that Matthew has decided to serve a mission, and I love telling people about the crazy place where he'll serve, but at the same time I just want to be able to pick up my phone and tell him a crazy joke. I guess I'll just have to save them all up for two years.





Thursday, August 10, 2017

The Audacious Adventures of MBE

Wow. This place feels like home.
A home that I have completely neglected for almost an entire year. However, the best part about a home is that it wherever and whatever you make it. And I am so excited to say that I am back (hopefully at least for the near future).
I honestly don't know what this blog will be about. My thoughts? My writing? Some cool art or more adventures I've had? I can't really see myself becoming famous or getting sponsorships or being published and famous, but I can see myself posting my true thoughts.
I don't know who will see my words, but I hope that whoever is reading this will see who I am through my thoughts. Even if nobody sees this, I can't wait to see my creative life.


Friday, January 13, 2017

Sleep

Her heart broke into a million jagged pieces. She felt as if it was blown to smithereens, shards of red tissue littering the cold tiles of the bathroom. Gasping for air, she opens the window, the chilly air of January blasting her face, making her feel something while at the same time numbing her. Wordless sobs and shrieks are shouted into the breeze, lost in translation.
What did I do wrong? Why did he go?
A million thoughts swirl around her brain like a cotton-candy machine, raging inside such a small space. After heaving her last shouts, she leaves the window open, the white currents swirling matching what is going on inside her. Without taking off her day clothes, she climbs wordlessly into her queen bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and white down comforter tucked around her. With all her words gone and used up, she tries to drift into a sleep, but fails. Dried mascara is caked in lines down her face, creating a permanent reminder of what tragedy had happened earlier. That night, she can't seem to feel comfortable or cozy. She is suddenly created with the harsh cold of the open window, the blank white walls, and lack of life in her residence. Outside, she hears the noise of the city, the vibrancy of the lights casting a spotlight on all the life that is taking place outside her door. It is almost like the city itself is mocking her--her pain, all the destruction that had taken place that night. Trying desperately to lull herself to the sweet release of sleep, she remembers all the good times, the late summer nights that smelled like hope, the butterflies that hatched in her stomach, and the laughs that left her ribs aching, lungs struggling for air.
She fell asleep with a smile and mascara tears on her face.