End of a Decade

I haven't written recently this year due to a crazy schedule. Honestly, this year has been full of growth and challenges that has tested me to my core. To keep track of all the craziness that has gone on this year, I'll make a list below.

1. I moved apartments with my sister and stayed in Utah throughout the summer. I took classes that were challenging, and made friends with people I didn't expect to. I found a summer fling (late in the summer and very, very short) and created relationships that I think will last a while. 

2. I made it into a business program. After applying for three different majors, I chose a completely different one that what I had been planning on for 2+ years. I honestly didn't think that I could do anything else, and it was a huge confidence booster knowing that I could get into hard programs. However, I didn't really think that I belonged, and I struggled with that throughout the semester wondering if I had made a mistake. 

3. I completed my first paid internship. Over the summer, I worked at a digital media agency and grew my skills in marketing. The internship taught me that I needed to have more confidence in my skills and abilities. I grew revenue for clients and was able to be a benefit to the team. I left the internship with things to work on and good connections for the future. 

4. My brother came home from his mission. After being gone for so long, I was excited to see him! I enjoy him being at school with me and my sister, and I really do like how I can talk to him whenever I want to.

5. We sold our house and moved to a different state. This part was really hard- leaving my childhood home was really sad, especially when we hadn't sold our house yet. Even today, it is really hard for me to understand why it took us so long to sell it. Although I miss all the good eats back home and the amazing friends I made, I am glad to be living in a new place with my family and experiencing a new culture. 

6. I started another internship in product development. This internship was awesome, but time consuming. I liked being able to channel what I was learning in my major to a new position, but overall it cut down on the time that I would have wanted to focus on my new and challenging classes. I met great people and learned a TON, one of those being that if you say that you are proficient in a language, you better be able to back it up! 

7. I passed classes that I didn't think at the beginning of the semester I could. Like I mentioned earlier, this semester was the first I had in my major. I had always heard that the junior core was going to be crazy, but after not choosing what my original plan of major was, I feel like it added to the stress. However, even though I had tough group assignments and group members, I was able to survive and end up with great grades. This semester alone has been the most challenging part of college so far, and I am so glad that I am done with some of the classes that I had to take this semester. 

Theses are only a few of the major events that happened to me this past year- and I know that there will be more for the next year and decade. I'm so grateful for all the people that have supported me throughout my journey, and I hope that they are all there with me for the future. If I could only use one word to describe this year, I would use grit. Grit is what got me through rejections (both personal and career/job/academic), hard subjects/lessons that I needed to learn, and what motivated me to keep happy (most of the time). Here's to 2019, and cheers to 2020 and beyond! 

Never Giving Up

I always tell my friends this, but sometimes when it rains, it pours. When I say this, I'm usually talking about how a bunch of things are going AMAZING all at one time, and the next week, almost everything seems to fall apart. Hopefully I'm not the only one that wishes that the good and the bad could happen more at the same time!

With recent weeks, I have had a lot of those experiences.
For example, I found out that I did really well in all my classes, especially economics, which I was really worried about. I also moved in to a new apartment, found the things that I was missing from that move, and the sun finally decided to come out!
However, these good experiences were sandwiched in-between three internship rejections, rejections of personal relationships (which is always sad), and the stress of moving out not entirely on schedule. Additionally, since I am staying for school over the summer, it was sad not being able to come home and see my family.

While all of these negative things were going on, it was really tempting just to give up, hop into bed, and hide under the covers and wait until things miraculously got better or my parents rescued me. Being rejected and told no, along with having plan B, C, and even D not working out was killer. Unfortunately/fortunately for me, I am used to things not working out in favor all the time, so although a few tears were shed (especially for my jobs), I was able to re-calibrate semi-quickly.  Though sometimes when things are the pits, you literally just have to take a step back and say that things SUCK. But that is when resilience kicks in.

Currently, things are going pretty well, and when I reflect back over the past couple of weeks and the roller coaster of emotions that I have felt, it is amazing to see how life kind of works out. And sometimes it is really frustrating to have to wait for things to work out, but more often than not, they do. So the only option that you're left with is to keep fighting, not giving up, until you see the sun once again. And when that happens, being fully present in the moment and counting your blessings. Sometimes I hate this saying, "I never said it would be easy, but worth it" just because it has been so over-quoted, but it is so true- I think that you appreciate the things that you earn because the struggle was so great.

So never give up- you got this! You can do it!

Sweet Sweet Summertime

I think that we can all safely agree that this is the best/worst time of the year. Currently, we are all stuck in weather that one day is sunny, bright, and warm (like a perfect summer day) or it's rainy, cold, and depressingly gray. One day, you might think about ordering that new swimsuit that you had your eye on, and the other you're bundling up in down coats thinking that winter can't last that much longer, right?

As a student, summer is especially tantalizing. No classes, freedom restored, and trips across and out of the country are just out of reach, but close. However, this also means that the winter semester is close to being over, which equates to finals. To this day, I still haven't met anyone who experiences the least amount of joy when talking/remembering finals. Finals are like the finish line for a half-marathon-kind of far away, painful to get to, but worth it when you finally finish and take a look back at where you came from.

My personal opinion is that summer is awesome. You can go outside all day long, everyone seems way more relaxed, and in turn, way nicer. An added bonus is if you are a lucky person that can tan (way to go!) and have access to a pool/beach/lake. I think my favorite thing about summer is all the possibilities and freedom- at no other point in the year can you stay up way late, sleep into the morning, and basically own your schedule! 

Currently, my plans for the summer are up in the air- but rest assured that it will involve lots of trips, being outdoors, and just enjoying the sunshine. And trying to get tan, but definitely without the skin cancer and sunburns (which now that I'm thinking about it, is probably a tall order).

Cheers to the summer!

 

Chemistry {you either got it, or you don't}

Just for a brief moment, I want to take some time to pat myself on the back for that blog title. It might not seem great to you, but I think it rocks.

Anyways, moving on. 

Right now, I want to talk about chemistry. Not the science kind, where your stomach hurts at the thought of taking a test and trying to remember compounds and reactions, but one between two people. Maybe it's because we just celebrated Valentine's Day, or maybe I've watch too many rom coms (and a combination of the two could be very likely) but I have kind of been thinking about this the past couple of days. 

I think it is amazing that two people, complete strangers, can end up forging a connection just because of the spark that they have. And it doesn't necessarily need to be a romantic connection, but maybe it's just somebody that "vibes" with you. IT IS AMAZING!!

But also really hard to explain.

Like if a friend asks you how you hit it off with so and so, you can't really tell them one specific thing- not because you're trying to be coy, but because you honestly don't know what specifically is so great about them, the parts of them that spoke to who you are. 

Speaking from personal experience, sometimes it's just enough to make eye contact with them, and receive a smile in return. 

SPARK!

Or sometimes it's what they say- for me, if you're incredibly funny, and you laugh at my jokes, lets just say that there is DEFINITELY something going on. Whether it is a friend or "something more" connection, chemistry definitely is there. Just sayin'. 

And I think the world needs more of it. Or, maybe we should just keep our eyes open for it. 

Comparison is the Thief of Joy {and other thoughts}

This weekend I had an interesting experience- I went to my first wedding reception, ever! It was for one of my friends that I knew last year during my first year of college, and it was crazy to see him get married, while I'm still living the single life. It's crazy for me to think that there are people out there that are my age who are married, have kids, have a salaried job... 

So around this point in my thought spiral, I start to get a little down. I take stock of myself and see that although I am working on a college degree and living separately from my parents, which are big things, I still have a lot to do personal-growth wise. I look at my peers, and use comparison to judge my worth (which is NOT good, I'm working on it) and that robs me of my happiness. Although taking stock of yourself can be helpful if it helps to internalize goals and achieve better thins personally, sometimes it works the opposite way. I find that sometimes when I'm not going out on a Friday night, or going on a date, or even getting asked out, I start to lose sight of what is really important. 

 

Not that dating isn't important, but valuing yourself based on arbitrary benchmarks and outside markers are not doing us any favors. I found that when I was (and am) comparing myself to others and their amount of trips, friends, money, beauty, love life, etc. that I was getting down on myself and not seeing the positive of the things that I do have. I have a great life- full of family, cats, financial security, and a healthy body that allows me to run marathons and Crossfit. Just because my life doesn't necessarily look like someone else's doesn't mean that it is a bad life- it's all MINE. 

As I reflect on what I want to accomplish this new year, I have some ideas, but my main one is to be happier by being thankful for what I do have, working on what I can change, and letting life do everything else and work itself out. We'll see how that goes, but I've resolved that life is too short to be unhappy about the things that you can't control. 

Fear of Failure

Failure is a dirty word. Unfortunately, I have been accustomed to the idea that perfection is the only way to survive, and that if you aren't top of your class, don't get the highest test score, or don't get asked on a million dates a week that it means that you aren't good enough. Honestly, I have been trying to tell myself that thinking this way is a lie, but it is hard to break out of the cycle. As an example (and a cathartic release) I want to relate an experience that I had a couple of weeks ago.

I had studied really hard for a test in a class that I needed to do well on. The test before that, I had actually received a perfect score, and although I was feeling great about my past performance, I didn't allow it to make myself feel cocky. So, to prepare for this test, I decided that I would continue with my same study habits, and work the practice tests multiple times, do extra practice problems, and basically out study everyone else in the class. 

The day of the test comes, and I decide that I am prepared- I feel pretty confident about the material, and think that I'll do okay. When I get to the test, there are some that I am not for sure on, but I leave the testing center feeling decent. I go to check the score, and my heart literally drops to the ground.

I had failed. And I mean not just getting a B, but a complete fail, the first one in my academic career. I was (and am still a little) broken. How could my efforts have been reduced to a failing score?

Now I am sure that some people are thinking that I just memorized the problems and wasn't really prepared, but I know that isn't the truth. What I think happened was that I was so afraid of failing, I had actually sabotaged myself. When I looked at the test a week later, I realized that I had overthought problems, made stupid mistakes, and committed errors that could only be explained by my heightened nervous energy. 

I think that this happens to a lot of people all the time. We get so worried about what the outcome will be of a trial or challenge that we build it up in our minds and instead of being positive, we decide that we will fail- and then we actually do. I wish that this test wouldn't have had the outcome that it did, but in a way, it is a good learning experience for me. Sometimes, as the old saying goes, I am my worst enemy. 

The week after I took the test was Thanksgiving week, and I decided to run a half-marathon on the holiday. Needless to say, I could have thought I was going to fail- it was cold, I was running by myself, and I wasn't sure if I was going to finish (even though I had trained!). However, I envisioned success, and I ended up getting a personal best by about 15 minutes- which I was so proud of! The contrast between these two experiences taught me so much- that we can't let fear rule our lives, and that failing doesn't have to be the end of a road, but can be a powerful motivator and teacher. 

So, my advice that I have come up with is this- failure doesn't have to be a bad word, unless you learn and grow from it. Also, most "bad days" or experiences that you have aren't actually failures- sometimes things just don't go according to plan. And that's okay, because something amazing might just be around the corner. 

A New Decade

As my birthday is coming up, I've been doing a lot of thinking about turning 20. I can't believe that my teenage years are almost behind me, and I am a little upset by that! Mostly I think it's because you don't have as many responsibilities, and you can kind of do crazy things with people not getting upset because you're a teenager. When you turn 20, there is almost this automatic push into adulthood, where the real world confronts you head-on and you're left to figure out jobs, careers, bills, and all the other things that your parents worry about but you never thought you would.
For one of my college classes, we had to read The Great Gatsby. I can't tell you how much I love this book! The way that Fitzgerald provides a social commentary is refreshing, and highlights the good and bad of the roaring 20s is fantastic. I also feel like it is applicable to the young stage of life that young adults are in- where hopefully we have no limits being placed on us, where we can truly be what we want to be and achieve what we set our minds to. With that, one of the main characters said something that really grabbed my attention because of my 20th birthday:

" I was 30--Before me stretched the portentous, menacing road of a new decade"

And even though I'm not turning 30, it made me think about what this new decade will hold for me. My past decade has been filled with change- if you think about it, from the time that you're 10-20 there is a lot of things that happen, like learning to drive a car, going on a first date, graduating grade school, starting college, etc. and life just gets crazy! I'm hoping that with this birthday, this decade won't be menacing, but rather another period of life that I can look back on with fondness and excitement for what I learned and did.
So, even though I still feel a little depressed with leaving the teen world, I have to admit that I am excited to see what this new decade will bring.

Being Shy in a Sea of Outgoing People

To those who don't know me that well, they would say that I am a shy person. I would agree with them to a certain extent- I don't go out of my way to be the most loud and obnoxious person in the room, but I also look for new people to meet. I tend to be reserved in the beginning, but once I get to know somebody, I think that I can really be the life of the party.

You know the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? I think that this totally applies to me. From first glance, I might seem very timid, and to be honest, kind of a dork, but with time, this changes to not being a complete dork but being somebody that it pretty funny and down to try new things. Honestly, I love laughing at myself and looking stupid, but I only want to look that way in front of people that I kind of already know a little bit. 

I have gotten so used to doing stupid things and then laughing at myself for them...and I am glad that I have that talent. I mean just the other day, I turned up the heat in church so hot, that somebody from the stand had to tell me to turn it down, and I almost started a riot with the temperature. While I'm typing this, I am still pretty embarrassed, but at least I can chalk up the experience to another one of my dumb ideas. Along with falling in a math class in high school, to totally failing at skiing or getting a knife stuck in a drawer, my days are pretty crazy and eventful! So, when you first see me, don't just write me off as another quiet girl that has nothing interesting to say (because I definitely have a ton to share).

One of the things that frustrates me so much is that split-second judgement that people pass on us. I know I'm guilty of doing it, but I'm trying to get better. I know that if/when people do that to me, they miss so many great things about my personality (I know I'm tooting my own horn here) and also who I actually am as a person! To me, that is one of the most annoying things about being in college- everyone here has so little time to actually get to know somebody for real it seems, and will only cast a second glance if you have a pretty face. 

So this week, I am going to try and reach out to people that may not have talked to me first, or somebody that seems like the shy one, and really get to know a stranger in a short conversation. Because who knows- maybe they could be my next best friend (or soulmate) lol. 

Phenomenal Woman

Today is Maya Angelou's birthday, and let me tell you- I am so thankful that one of my teachers in high school introduced me to her. All the things that she has written and said are honestly so inspired (and inspiring) and I feel that a whole class needs to be devoted to her. We focus so much on poetry and other stories with male authors that are considered "classics", but I feel that they really need to include Angelou!

One of the things that most inspire me about her is that she had a rough upbringing with several trials (that I do not know if I could survive) and she became better for it. Not only did Maya Angelou survive, but she truly thrived. She had all the reason in the world to be bitter and check-out of life, but she chose instead to make the best out of the situations that she was put in. Many of her messages speak to being kind to others, and especially yourself. I love this message because most of the time, we are our worst critics. And unfortunately, when we are down on ourselves we can get down on others. Angelou focused on celebrating differences- something that we don't do a lot of in this culture. She had a way of looking at life and seeing all the beauty and promise that it had to offer.

As noted in the title of this post, my favorite so far that I have read is Phenomenal Woman. I love the book that I have because it has amazing art in it that compliments the text so well. One of my favorite lines is "I'm a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me". This just stands out to me because it is freaking amazing to be a woman, and there is an inner beauty that is not defined by size or looks, but just by being a woman.

I'll finish by quoting this part from her biography:

"All of my work is meant to say, 'You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated.' In fact, the encountering may be the very experience which creates the vitality and power to endure".

Maya Angelou, you are truly a Phenomenal Woman.

365 Days

Life always gets so crazy. I try and live my life where I am constantly doing things, and by the time that I have some slow moments, I am exhausted. This explains why I haven't been on the blog for a month- and it is hard to believe that it has been a month! Time flies by, and while I was stuck thinking about how days seem to pass in less than 24 hours, it made me think about how quickly a year goes by.
Last year, when I was think about a year into the future, I could not have pictured myself. Last year, my priorities were all about finishing up high school and trying to fulfill all my high school bucket list items. Now I am getting ready to finish my first year of college and it is so crazy to think that all this progress has happened in only a year. Honestly, it seems like a lifetime.
Sometimes, I want a magic ball that shows me my future and what it will look like. In some moments when there is a lot of uncertainty and doubt, I want to be able to see what my outcome will be, and in a way, it would be easier just to push towards the future and not have to focus on all the choices that I'll have to make! But, as a lot of people say, the joy is in the journey. And if I am being honest, I don't think that having a magic ball would help me prepare for what my future looks like (even for tomorrow)!
I guess life has a crazy way of working out sometimes. It is easy to beat yourself up over the small moments, but when you put a whole bunch of them together, along with the good, it creates a beautiful story that is fun to reflect on. Without all the highs and lows, life would be pretty boring.
Next year, I can honestly say that I have no clue what it will look like. If you asked me last year what I would be doing at this time, I honestly don't think that anything that I said would be correct. But I guess that is how it goes. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Hello 2018!

Wow. I have been so lazy posting on this blog! I have it linked to some of my social media accounts, but as school has become so busy and crazy, I have not had a lot of time to work on it! In all honesty, I miss writing and having a space to put all my thoughts down, and so I am going to try and write weekly to keep up the blog. I know I always start doing this and I quit halfway through, but now that I am a year older,wiser, and funnier, I will try.
So much has changed from my last post.
The one thing that teachers don't tell you in high school is that college will teach you a lot about yourself. I'm not going to lie, I did learn a lot more in academic subjects, but I learned more figuring out who I am as a person. I learned to grocery shop, work, be a full-time student, go on a couple of dates, and a bunch of other random stuff that I could not have learned anywhere else. I also met one of my best friends here, and I can't imagine not knowing her or having her in my life. I also learned that people can be mean, but they can also be really great. One of the most important things that I discovered is that in college, you have to keep going. If you get a bad grade on a test, learn from your mistakes and then move on. Keep trying.
I also discovered that your late teens/early twenties are a time to figure out what makes you passionate, to act stupid, and to just have fun. As the saying goes, make life fun because nobody gets out alive. If we don't slow down, breathe the air, and just take a break, we will miss a lot of truly amazing moments.
Now, I'm not going to lie- when I first started this blog I really wanted it to take off and become famous, but now that I'm wise (just kidding) I realize that it is truly amazing that I have a space to write down some of my thoughts. And, I also realized that being popular or famous shouldn't really be the goal- the goal should be to become the best version of yourself.

So with that, I am making a pledge to write more and give this blog some love. And off the blog, to love and learn more!

Sincerely,
MBE

It's Not a Goodbye, It's a See You Later

As most of you know, my brother left on a 2 year mission to a group of islands that show up as a speck on the map. Additionally, my sister and I have both left home and are now 18 hours away from home and live in a different timezone.
For 18 years, I have had my family's constant companionship. I love living with my family, and some might say that I am a homebody. To be honest, the most fun, caring, and hilarious people I have ever met just happen to be the ones that I share a last name with. I count my blessings that I grew up in such a wonderful home environment where saying good-bye is so hard.
Before my dad dropped Matthew off at the MTC (the place where missionaries learn the language and other skills before they get to their final destination), the triplets plus my dad went out to breakfast. IT WAS SO SAD! Seriously, inside I felt like I was shriveling up inside. All of my problems with school (which aren't many) seemed so childish. My brother was literally leaving for two years, and I was worried about a stats class?!
After a solemn ( and teary) breakfast, we dropped Chloë off so she could get to class, but not before I demanded one last triplet hug. Even sitting here now, I still can't fathom that I may not be able to do that again for two years. When Matthew dropped me off at my dorm, we walked all the way from the parking lot to the front door. That walk felt like it was two seconds long. I didn't cry, but I was really, really close.
Later that night, I called my dad and told him how upset I was that they made us triplets, which sounds silly now (but makes sense if you have a multiple). Just imagine losing a limb, or some object that you use every day and is important to you- and then not having it.
I am so thankful that Matthew has decided to serve a mission, and I love telling people about the crazy place where he'll serve, but at the same time I just want to be able to pick up my phone and tell him a crazy joke. I guess I'll just have to save them all up for two years.

The Audacious Adventures of MBE

Wow. This place feels like home.
A home that I have completely neglected for almost an entire year. However, the best part about a home is that it wherever and whatever you make it. And I am so excited to say that I am back (hopefully at least for the near future).
I honestly don't know what this blog will be about. My thoughts? My writing? Some cool art or more adventures I've had? I can't really see myself becoming famous or getting sponsorships or being published and famous, but I can see myself posting my true thoughts.
I don't know who will see my words, but I hope that whoever is reading this will see who I am through my thoughts. Even if nobody sees this, I can't wait to see my creative life.

Sleep

Her heart broke into a million jagged pieces. She felt as if it was blown to smithereens, shards of red tissue littering the cold tiles of the bathroom. Gasping for air, she opens the window, the chilly air of January blasting her face, making her feel something while at the same time numbing her. Wordless sobs and shrieks are shouted into the breeze, lost in translation.
What did I do wrong? Why did he go?
A million thoughts swirl around her brain like a cotton-candy machine, raging inside such a small space. After heaving her last shouts, she leaves the window open, the white currents swirling matching what is going on inside her. Without taking off her day clothes, she climbs wordlessly into her queen bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and white down comforter tucked around her. With all her words gone and used up, she tries to drift into a sleep, but fails. Dried mascara is caked in lines down her face, creating a permanent reminder of what tragedy had happened earlier. That night, she can't seem to feel comfortable or cozy. She is suddenly created with the harsh cold of the open window, the blank white walls, and lack of life in her residence. Outside, she hears the noise of the city, the vibrancy of the lights casting a spotlight on all the life that is taking place outside her door. It is almost like the city itself is mocking her--her pain, all the destruction that had taken place that night. Trying desperately to lull herself to the sweet release of sleep, she remembers all the good times, the late summer nights that smelled like hope, the butterflies that hatched in her stomach, and the laughs that left her ribs aching, lungs struggling for air.
She fell asleep with a smile and mascara tears on her face.

Rainy Days

The brownstone glistens from the rain, shimmering from the light coming from the lamposts dotting the streets. Even though the street is busy, because after all, the city never sleeps, on the sidewalk is a different story. Since the pavement is also equally coated with rain, the gravel crunches under each footstep, reminding the person that at any moment, they could lose their step. Even though the sky is pitch black, you can tell that the clouds are threatening to spill over at any moment and unleash the biggest storm that only happens during the winter.
If one was to watch through a taxi cab window, they would see the scurry of pedestrians trying to avoid the sprinkling and misting of the rain. For others that are more prepared, their umbrellas act like a beacon in the crowd, with polka dots to plain black designs letting outsiders catch a glimpse of who they are. From that window, you might also see some taking their time, relishing every moment in the rain. For those rare people, their good fortune is the bad luck of the majority.
As on all rainy days, comfort is the priority. Whether it is taking off damp socks after reaching a destination, wearing blankets draped around our bodies like expensive fur capes, or eating a hot meal, we all search for comfort.
On these days, we revert back to our youth, were only the necessities of life made us excited. We want for nothing more other than something cozy and warm, and nothing more than that.
As that brownstone glistens, the inhabitants of the building are curled up, reading a book, eating, watching a movie, or maybe staring out the window, watching the pattering of rain. In all their minds, nothing could get better than this moment, right here, right now.

The Pink Couch

Slamming the heavy oak door, she rushes over to the other side of the room, rain water squelching in her boots. Removing her bots in a rapid fashion, stripping the soaked wool socks from her feet and puts them on the hissing, chipped radiator. Removing her equally soggy raincoat, she goes to her coffee maker and opens up the white shaker cabinets to find her favorite roast. Starting the coffee, she walks upstairs and changes from her constraining work clothes and into the welcoming embrace of fuzzy gray sweatpants and matching hoodie. As the aroma of coffee beans diffuse into the air upstairs, she comes down the stairs, noticing the worn ikat patterned carpet that has permanently captured the size of her feet.
After the coffee is poured into an old mug from her high school days, she curls up on the pink couch. This pink isn't a little girl's pink, but more modern; a woman's couch. On second thought, she stands up and drifts to the fireplace, turning the gas on and hearing a resounding swoosh as heat comes. Grabbing a quilt made with love from her grandmother off a high wingback chair, she finally settles back on the couch. With coffee in hand, cocooned in a blanket, and the heat turned on, she looks content.
But she doesn't feel the same way.
The shifting of the apartment makes echoes in the empty hallway, bouncing off the barren walls. She thinks of no one home to greet her, smile, or even accompany her on rainy evenings like this one. All at once, she realizes something.
She is utterly alone, a girl wrapped up on a pink couch in the middle of winter with no one.

Writing on Writing

I know that I may never be a great writer. I add the word may because you never know, but as of right now none of my works are amazing enough to be considered an addition to literature.
Why do I write?
Mainly, I really like to. I don't like academic writing, but creative writing. I like to express who I am through words, and I feel like I can say anything I want to. It doesn't matter what I look like, all you see are the words I write (or type) on the page. There is something freeing about that thought that lets the writer lose inhibitions and become who they truly are.
I write for myself. There was a time where I started to write for another person, and I started to see my writing and thoughts go a direction that I didn't like. It became more of an attraction technique rather than a cathartic experience. I felt like I was trying to impress instead of express. Now I know that I write for myself. I hope that I inspire people who read this to look at things a different way. A small part of me also hopes that I reach an international audience and that people I may never see in my lifetime will remember what I wrote when they stumbled on my blog or clicked on the link.
Writing isn't a chore.
Right now, I am typing away on my MacBook, hearing the rain pound on my roof. Generally, I don't have a lot of time to jus write and type, but today I didn't have much going on. I like to wrap myself in a blanket, and get super comfy. I also really like to listen to R&B when I write, it gets me into a soul type of mood. I'm not sure if that comes across, but when I hear the lyrics "Georgia's on my mind" it automatically relaxes me.
My advice: find something that you love. It doesn't have to be writing, but find something and try and do it at least once a week. I have to admit, I aspire a little to be a well-known blogger, but even if it turns out I'm the only one visiting this blog, I will be okay with that. Choose to do something that you are passionate about, not something that you will receive recognition for.

"Passion changes everything."

Love Is All You Need

Today I was thinking about love. Just in my school, I feel like we lack love as a student body. We are quick to undercut and belittle others. I also think that we lack love in the way we participate in school. Teachers give everything that they have to better students, but many choose to ignore the blessing that is teachers.
On my cross country team, I find that we lack love. One way to be a good teammate is to love one another. Without that bond, anything that is said seems fake. Over the years, I have had many relationships where I truly felt loved. I know that until the day I die, I will always remember them. That reminds me of the Maya Angelou quote that says that somebody might forget your name, but never how you made them feel, good or bad.
I want people to remember be as someone who genuinely cared about them and their well-being. I want to be remembered just like I remember certain individuals and the kindness and love that they have shown me.
I know that love would solve the world. If we learned to love others just like we loved ourselves, we wouldn't have as much conflict. I also know that people would be happier. It is hard to wallow in sadness when you are focused on serving others and their needs.
Love doesn't just have to be romantic love- it can be anything. Even a small act of smiling shows that you love that person. I am challenging myself to feel love towards others in a small act of kindness every day. In my own small way, I believe that I am changing my corner of the world by showing kindness and love.

Fall & Change

This is my favorite season by far. Where I live, leaves change color, the weather gets cooler, and with fall festivals I feel like I am living somewhere totally different than where I reside for the rest of the year. Fall also signals to me the start of the end of a year and other finales.
This year is my senior year, so naturally the ending of my school career is drawing to a close. I am so used to imagining a next year, but I now realize that next year will look totally different. The things I want now won't be the things I want in the future, and all the goals that I want to achieve have a time limit. I imagine a sand timer with only a little bit of sand that is left. I want for things so desperately that I imagined four years ago, but now I understand that many of those things will not come to pass unless I do something about it.
As I mentioned before, I love how the leaves change in the fall, painting the environment in bright oranges and fiery reds. In my own personal way, I am experiencing that change too. I am participating in many firsts, but also many lasts. As I begin to change to start the next phase of my life, I am a little apprehensive. I am not sure how bright I will become or even if I will have success. So far, I am choosing to remain positive and keep my perspective on the future. I am trying to repeat to myself the mantra that change is good, and only time will tell if that statement turns out to be true.

MBE

The Beginning of Lasts {& Firsts}

This week I am feeling pretty sentimental. One of my close friends is living on a mission to Chile to serve and preach the gospel for two years! As his last day in the states draws to a close, I can't help but feel like a lot of my life is changing rapidly. Taking a tally of my life in the moment, most of my friends are going on missions or college in the fall, making everyday sightings of them nonexistent. The people that I see in the summer or in the hallways will be gone in a year, and I have to admit, I'm a little sad. It seems as though I have a little sand timer with enough sand until graduation (that's in a year)! With only having a year left, I also think about what is going to change in a year and where I will be. Right now, I  am thinking about doing a humanitarian project in Central America of the Pacific next summer! Even last week, this idea didn't even cross my mind. So, as many lasts start to unfold in my life, I also look toward the beginning of many firsts. My first day of college, my first trip abroad...it is crazy.
Right now, all I can say is that I know that all the events in my life so far will help me for a bigger future. It's hard to say what I'll be doing next year or even tomorrow, but I have a firm belief that it will help me along the path of life. Who knows, maybe next year I'll be getting ready to go on a mission or  be joining the Peace Corps!

MBE